Talking with Young Children about COVID-19
Children may or may not be asking questions about the COVID-19 pandemic and how it is impacting their world. When they do ask questions, it can be difficult to know how to answer in a way that young children understand.
Below are some general tips on how to talk to children during challenging situations such as COVID-19. We’ve also noted a few common questions that children may be asking and our tips on how to answer.
For children who are extraordinarily worried or anxious about the coronavirus, consider reaching out to a mental health professional (1).
Let children know you are doing everything in your power to keep them safe
Reassure children that you and other important adults in their lives are doing everything you can to help them stay safe and healthy. Avoid making promises you can’t keep such as, “I will never let you get sick.” Deborah Farmer Kris shares some wonderful language that she used to reassure her own children on PBS Kids for Parents (3).
Ask children what they think and know before you answer
When children ask questions, it is always helpful to clarify what they want to know and what they already know. This will allow you to you address any misunderstandings and fears without overloading children with too much information. When children ask difficult questions, try responding first with, “What do you think about that?” (1,3,4)
Be authentic
Children are very aware of adults’ facial expression, body language, and tone of voice. Make sure you send a consistent and authentic message of safety to children by matching your body language and tone of voice to the words you use when speaking with your child (4). Practice strategies to stay calm when answering these challenging questions. See our tips on adult self-regulation and managing stress under Attention for more specific information on how to do this. You may also want to check out our Resources page for resources related to Adult Well-being and Physical Distancing, like this article on managing anxiety.
Encourage asking questions
Children’s questions can be difficult for us to hear and may even increase our already heightened anxiety. Openly communicating about the current situation can lessen the burden of stress on ourselves and our children.
Asking children an “I wonder” question can help them understand that it is OK to have questions and worries, and to let adults know what they are. Something as simple as “I wonder if you have questions about why you are not going to school?” or “I wonder if you’ve noticed that Mommy is getting mad a lot?” can open the door for children to ask their own questions.
Connecting children’s behavior to their underlying feelings can help them understand their experience: “I think maybe you’re sad and mad you can’t see your friends, and maybe that’s why you don’t want to play.” Children’s fears and uncertainty can express themselves through behaviors that may not seem obviously related, even to adults. Looking for these connections can help us empathize and respond with compassion when children exhibit challenging behavior (4). (For more on how to do this, visit our Attention page and scroll down to Attending to my Children’s Emotions.)
Be open & honest
It’s OK not to know all the answers. If your child asks a question that you don’t know how to answer, try saying something like, “That’s a great question! I don’t know the answer right now, but I’ll try and find out. What I do know right now is that I’m doing everything I can to help you stay healthy.”
Sometimes, we may be so overwhelmed by a question that we don’t know what to say, even if we do know the answer. In these moments, it’s alright to say, “This is a really big question. I need to think about it for a little while. What do you think about it?” It’s important to follow-up with our answers and not take too much time to do so, but it’s also important to take the time you need to come up with an answer that your child will understand and that is developmentally appropriate (e.g., not too much information) (3,5).
Questions & answers
Here are some of the questions children are asking and our suggested answers. Please use these as examples or templates—make changes and develop your own wording based on your child’s age, what they already know, and their specific questions. Remember to ask children what they think before you answer. This will allow you to address any misunderstandings and to build your answers on what children already know (1,4).
“Am I going to get sick?”
“We are doing everything we can to keep you healthy. The doctors say the best thing we can do is to wash our hands. You do a really good job washing your hands.”
“Why can’t I see my teacher and friends?”
“The doctors also say that right now we need to stay home and not be around a lot of people. That is why you can’t go to school right now and can’t have friends over or go to the playground.”
With older children, especially those who specifically ask for more information (2), we might add something like, “Sickness can be contagious. That means it can go from another person to you, or from you to another person, like we’ve talked about with sneezing and coughing.”
“When can I go back to school?”
“You will be able to go to school again and see your friends and your teacher. I don’t know exactly when, but I’ll let you know as soon as I know. Until then, you can keep asking me about when you can go back to school. What’s something fun you’ll do when you go back to school? Let’s write it down and draw pictures.”
You can also explain that children will get to return to school, then suggest an activity that includes connecting with teachers or friends. For example, “Would you like to draw a picture to send to your teacher?”
“Will I die?”
“Right now you are very healthy. If you get sick we will take very good care of you and do everything we can to help you get better again.”
“Will ________(an important person in child’s life) die?”
The answer to this depends on who the person is and may be harder for you and your child if this person is in a high-risk group, such as someone with an underlying medical condition. Here are a few possible answers for this situation.
Is it someone who is already sick and in the hospital?
“Grandpa is in the hospital right now because he’s very sick. The doctors and nurses are working very hard to take care of him so he can get better. Do you want to make a card or a drawing for him? I can take a picture and we can text it to him.”
Is it someone who works with/around people who are sick (e.g., nurse, first responder, facilities staff)?
“_________ works in the hospital and is taking care of people who are sick. She is working hard to stay healthy and safe. She washes her hands a lot and has special things to wear that protect her from getting sick.”
Is it someone above age 60 who is healthy and is taking safety precautions?
“Grandma and Grandpa are healthy. They’re staying home and washing their hands a lot so they don’t get sick. That is why they’re not coming to visit and we only see them on FaceTime right now. Would you like to call them and say hello?”
References
1. Anderson, P. (2020, March 11). Coronavirus: How to talk to your kids. MedicineNet.
2. Jacobson, R. (no date). Supporting kids during the Coronavirus crisis: Tips for nurturing and protecting children at home. Child Mind Institute.
3. Kris, D.F. (2020, March 6). How to talk to your kids about coronavirus. PBS Kids for Parents.
4. Macmillan, C. (2020, March 25). 8 tips for working from home with kids during COVID-19: Yale experts share strategies for managing home life in a time of social distancing and self-quarantine. Yale Medicine.
5. Zero to Three: Early Connections Last a Lifetime. (2020, March 16). Answering your young child’s [toddler’s] questions about coronavirus.